Thursday, 20 December 2007
Berry was awake from 2am to 4am last night. I do not know why. It was awful.
Nathan was on call again so it was just me, and I walked her around and around and around the house, patting her back and singing to her. I got her a bottle, found her bear, and tried lying on the couch with her. I talked on the phone to Dad in Australia (who helpfully pointed out how many people try for years and years and never get a baby) and then to my sister in South Africa (because she's sympathetic and entertaining, and excellent at not making me feel guilty – and because Berry often falls asleep when I'm on the phone, so it was worth a shot). Over and over Berry seemed to doze off, but no – the second I put her down she'd pop up, awake again.
Two. whole. hours.
By the end, the last time she called out from her mattress "Up Mama! Cuddle! In there!" (toddler-code for: Pick me up again and carry me around and around in the living room) I snapped and said, "Stop! Mummy's very cross with you!" She howled theatrically for about 30 seconds, then abruptly fell asleep.
So I was forced to lie awake staring at the ceiling, feeling terrible about myself and realising what a bad mother I am, et cetera.
You know: the usual.