Easter with the three-year-olds

With clever Aunty Zoe, Berry made a grand piece of art for the Easter Bunny, showing detailed pictures of pigeons, a rabbit, and an odd "naughty strawberry". She wrote EASTER (or "EASYER", actually) across the top for good measure, and sticky-taped it to the glass door leading to Grandma's front verandah, where she figured the Easter Bunny would come in.

Next she got a carrot and put it on a plate right behind the glass door. Her cousin Tischen also got a carrot and a plate, but he changed his mind and started eating the carrot. Berry capered around him in outraged dismay, waving her hands and shouting, "Stop! You're not a bunny! You're not a bunny!" until Tischen got a bit sick of it and thwacked her on the arm with his half-eaten carrot. 

Oh, the drama...

"Ow! OW! Ow-ow-ow-ow! That carrot is too hard on me! It's too tough! I'M TELLING THE EASTER BUNNY!"

Does not play well with others

They warn you about the Terrible Twos, but it still doesn't mean you're ready for them when they come.

As two-year-olds go, Berry's not very terrible at all. In fact, she's generally quite mild. But when Pauline and little Sophiene came to visit from South Carolina, Berry revealed a combative side that caught us off-guard.

Although she plays well with other kids at school and at her friends' houses, at home it's a different matter entirely. When another toddler tries to play with her toys, in her territory, she becomes – well – territorial. Sophiene is the first child ever to stay with us, and we were horrified by Berry's outbursts – the grabbing, the pushing, the flailing, the hitting, the shouting: "My Dora! No my paints! My Rody! No Fofie, my chair! My Elmo! Mine! My Mama!"


Sophie is one year old, still in the lovely, easy-going, live-and-let-live stage of toddlerhood. The fuss was all very baffling to her. When Berry was at that stage – facing the shoves and bellows of older kids with an "oh well" attitude – I was concerned that she might not be assertive enough, that she might end up being a doormat.

I needn't have worried.

From the photos here, you wouldn't know there'd been any conflict, any embarrassing outbursts. That's because when the fights were on, all the grown-ups were desperately refereeing – and when peace reigned, we all said "Quick! Get the camera!"


I know (intellectually) that sharing – especially on her own turf – can't really be expected of Berry yet. As psychologist John Gottman, PhD, writes:

"...Attempts at cooperative play and sharing are often problematic, given the "toddler rules of ownership," which are: (1) If I see it, it's mine; (2) If it's yours and I want it, it's mine; and (3) If it's mine, it's mine forever. Parents should realize that such attitudes are not based on meanness; they are simply an expression of the toddler's developing sense of self.... the concept of sharing is meaningless to them."

But I still can't help feeling alarmed, apologetic, and a teensy bit of a failure when these one-sided fights break out. I told my friends at coffee (all of whom have more and/or older kids) how embarrassing I'm finding the whole two-year-old tyrant thing, and the universal response was "Oh honey, get used to it. There's no way around it, only through it."

Which is not what I wanted to hear... but at least I'm not alone.