Does not play well with others

They warn you about the Terrible Twos, but it still doesn't mean you're ready for them when they come.

As two-year-olds go, Berry's not very terrible at all. In fact, she's generally quite mild. But when Pauline and little Sophiene came to visit from South Carolina, Berry revealed a combative side that caught us off-guard.

Although she plays well with other kids at school and at her friends' houses, at home it's a different matter entirely. When another toddler tries to play with her toys, in her territory, she becomes – well – territorial. Sophiene is the first child ever to stay with us, and we were horrified by Berry's outbursts – the grabbing, the pushing, the flailing, the hitting, the shouting: "My Dora! No my paints! My Rody! No Fofie, my chair! My Elmo! Mine! My Mama!"


Sophie is one year old, still in the lovely, easy-going, live-and-let-live stage of toddlerhood. The fuss was all very baffling to her. When Berry was at that stage – facing the shoves and bellows of older kids with an "oh well" attitude – I was concerned that she might not be assertive enough, that she might end up being a doormat.

I needn't have worried.

From the photos here, you wouldn't know there'd been any conflict, any embarrassing outbursts. That's because when the fights were on, all the grown-ups were desperately refereeing – and when peace reigned, we all said "Quick! Get the camera!"


I know (intellectually) that sharing – especially on her own turf – can't really be expected of Berry yet. As psychologist John Gottman, PhD, writes:

"...Attempts at cooperative play and sharing are often problematic, given the "toddler rules of ownership," which are: (1) If I see it, it's mine; (2) If it's yours and I want it, it's mine; and (3) If it's mine, it's mine forever. Parents should realize that such attitudes are not based on meanness; they are simply an expression of the toddler's developing sense of self.... the concept of sharing is meaningless to them."

But I still can't help feeling alarmed, apologetic, and a teensy bit of a failure when these one-sided fights break out. I told my friends at coffee (all of whom have more and/or older kids) how embarrassing I'm finding the whole two-year-old tyrant thing, and the universal response was "Oh honey, get used to it. There's no way around it, only through it."

Which is not what I wanted to hear... but at least I'm not alone.

That's not a summer... THIS is a summer!

The summer months in Seattle were mild and terribly pretty, but the part of me that still calls Australia home (it's a song, look it up) really missed the searing heat and clinging humidity of a real summer.

Call me crazy, it's what I'm used to.

So I love being back in the Southern heat where (if you care to step outside the air-conditioning) you really know it's summer. And Berry – a Northwest baby who used to recoil at a glimpse of sunlight – is learning to love it too.


Stu and Rikki came to visit from New Orleans and we hung out by the pool at the Beau Rivage. I'm pretty sure it's the best pool around these parts, and Berry rolled out the Uncle Stu Fan Club red carpet and played in the shallow end with Stu for a length of time that would've bored me silly (if I was Stu, not if I was Berry). Stu is a good man of endless patience.

Happily (I say, from my air-conditioned studio) here in the south we have at least two more months of real summer left before we tentatively break out the woolen stuff. And then put it away again because it's still kinda warm...

Roll on summer.

New Orleans and a Kitten Hunt

Berry slept all the way to New Orleans, which felt like a miracle. But she was just saving her energy for the Kitten Hunt.

Nathan was on call so Berry and I went solo, visiting Stu and Rikki and their unfortunate cats Jack and Madeline.

In fact Jack and Madeline are usually very fortunate cats, much adored. But when Berry comes along you can see it on their faces: "We are unfortunate. Who allowed that small creature into our home?"

Berry loves nothing more than a kitten. She'll go to the ends of the earth – or the house – or under the bed or wherever you please, to find one. So that's her main project at Stu and Rikki's place. That, and buttering up Stu. She's a huge fan of Stu, as you can see...


You'll notice there are no pictures of the cats. For the most part, they wisely stayed under the bed. (Berry is pointing this sad fact out to Rikki in the top photo.)