Oh so terrible

Berry's birthday is in September and although we haven't really been talking about it, she's lately taken to announcing, "I not three yet. I not three. I not big."

I wonder if she's trying to dampen any hope that the end of the Terrible Twos might be sight, or if she's just heard people saying things like: "Three is the new two" and "They should call it the Terrible Threes".

I get an urge to kick people who say that. First of all, "Terrible Threes" has no alliteration, so it doesn't count.

Second of all, I've had enough terrible. Don't tell me it needs to last another year – I'm done.

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Ridiculous Photo of the Week

Well, it's not so much the picture that's ridiculous* – it's the child.

Berry spent a good ten minutes of this morning glowering at poor Uncle Jules across the breakfast table, accusing him of "wooking" at her. And then a declaration: "No wooking at me, all peoples!"

There. That should cover it.



(*Actually, the photo is a little bit ridiculous. This is Berry working in her 'office', by turns typing vigorously on her laptop and talking on her cellphone... every call ending in "Okay, okay, bye.")

Does not play well with others

They warn you about the Terrible Twos, but it still doesn't mean you're ready for them when they come.

As two-year-olds go, Berry's not very terrible at all. In fact, she's generally quite mild. But when Pauline and little Sophiene came to visit from South Carolina, Berry revealed a combative side that caught us off-guard.

Although she plays well with other kids at school and at her friends' houses, at home it's a different matter entirely. When another toddler tries to play with her toys, in her territory, she becomes – well – territorial. Sophiene is the first child ever to stay with us, and we were horrified by Berry's outbursts – the grabbing, the pushing, the flailing, the hitting, the shouting: "My Dora! No my paints! My Rody! No Fofie, my chair! My Elmo! Mine! My Mama!"


Sophie is one year old, still in the lovely, easy-going, live-and-let-live stage of toddlerhood. The fuss was all very baffling to her. When Berry was at that stage – facing the shoves and bellows of older kids with an "oh well" attitude – I was concerned that she might not be assertive enough, that she might end up being a doormat.

I needn't have worried.

From the photos here, you wouldn't know there'd been any conflict, any embarrassing outbursts. That's because when the fights were on, all the grown-ups were desperately refereeing – and when peace reigned, we all said "Quick! Get the camera!"


I know (intellectually) that sharing – especially on her own turf – can't really be expected of Berry yet. As psychologist John Gottman, PhD, writes:

"...Attempts at cooperative play and sharing are often problematic, given the "toddler rules of ownership," which are: (1) If I see it, it's mine; (2) If it's yours and I want it, it's mine; and (3) If it's mine, it's mine forever. Parents should realize that such attitudes are not based on meanness; they are simply an expression of the toddler's developing sense of self.... the concept of sharing is meaningless to them."

But I still can't help feeling alarmed, apologetic, and a teensy bit of a failure when these one-sided fights break out. I told my friends at coffee (all of whom have more and/or older kids) how embarrassing I'm finding the whole two-year-old tyrant thing, and the universal response was "Oh honey, get used to it. There's no way around it, only through it."

Which is not what I wanted to hear... but at least I'm not alone.

Two years ago

Two years ago today, we got the second-biggest shock of our lives.

The biggest shock was when we found out Berry existed, that she was going to crash our party (so to speak) – that we were going to be parents.

So the second-biggest shock was when she decided to make her debut five weeks early.

We'd just lived through Hurricane Katrina, evacuated (after the disaster) from Biloxi to San Antonio, spent two weeks in limbo, then arrived in Seattle to start our new lives. Two days after we landed, the same day we got the keys to a house on McChord Air Force base, Berry was on her way... ready or not.


Such a teeny-tiny little thing (4lb 15oz – in that top photo she's 90% blankets), worrying enough to warrant nine nerve-wracking days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit... Today it's all – mostly – a distant memory.

She's a springy-legged, sweet-natured, strong-willed toddler who loves Elmo and oranges and The Wiggles and corn and Dora and bubble baths and babies and charming the pants off people.

Happy birthday, little Berry.